Il ne faut jamais caresser sa douleur.
(FEUILLET)
improve your Charisma
Webster’s Ninth New Collegiate Dictionary defines charisma as “a
personal magic of
leadership arousing special popular loyalty or enthusiasm for a public figure.”
Charisma is also that special quality of magnetism that each person has and
that
each person uses to a certain degree. You have a special charisma to the people
who
look up to you, who respect and admire youthe members of your family and
your
friends and coworkers. Whenever and wherever a person feels a positive emotion
toward another, he imbues that person with charisma, or attractiveness.
In trying to explain charisma, some people speak of an “aura.” This aura is a
light
that is invisible to most people, but not to everyone, and that radiates out
from a
person and affects the people around that person in a positive or negative way.
The
halo around the heads of saints and mystics in many religious paintings was the
artist’s
attempt to depict the light that people reported seeing around the heads of
these men
and women when they were speaking or praying, or in an intense emotional state.
You also have an aura around you that most people cannot see but that is there,
nevertheless. This aura affects the way people react and respond to you, either
positively or negatively. There is a lot that you can do, and a lot of good
reasons for
you to do it, to control this aura and make it work in your best interests.
If you’re in sales, this aura, reflecting your level of charisma, can have a
major
impact on the way your prospects and customers treat you and deal with you. Top
salespeople seem to be far more successful than the average salespeople in
getting
along with their customers. they’re always more welcome, more positively
received and
more trusted than the others. They sell more, and
they sell more easily. They make a
better living, and they build better lives. Salespeople with charisma get far
more
pleasure out of their work and suffer far less from stress and rejection. The
charismatic
salesperson is almost invariably a top performer in his field and enjoys all
the rewards
that go with superior sales.
If you’re in business, developing greater charisma can help you tremendously in
working with your staff, your suppliers, your bankers, your customers and
everyone
else upon whom you depend for your success. People seem naturally drawn to
those
who possess charisma. They want to help them and support them. When you have
charisma, people will open doors for you and bring you opportunities that
otherwise
would not have been available to you.
In your personal relationships, the quality of charisma can make your life more
joyous, happier. People will naturally want to be around you. Members of your
family
and your friends will be far happier in your company, and you will have a
greater
influence on them, causing them to feel better about themselves and to do
better at
the important things in their lives.
There is a close association between personal charisma and success in life.
Probably
85 percent of your success and happiness will come from your relationships and
interactions with others. The more positively others respond to you, the easier
it will be
for you to get the things you want.
In essence, when we discuss charisma, we are talking about the law of
attraction.
This law has been stated in many different ways down through the centuries, but
it
basically says that you inevitably attract into your life the people and
circumstances
that harmonize with your dominant thoughts.
In a sense, you are a living magnet, and you are constantly radiating thought
waves,
like a radio station radiates sound waves, that are picked up by other people.
Your
thoughts, intensified by your emotions, as radio waves are intensified by
electric
impulses, go out from you and are picked up by anyone who is tuned in to a
similar
wavelength. You then attract into your life people, ideas, opportunities,
resources,
circumstances and anything else that is consistent with your dominant frame of
mind.
The law of attraction also explains how you can build up your levels of
charisma so
that you can have a greater and more positive impact on the people whose
cooperation, support and affection you desire.
The critical thing to remember about charisma is that it is largely based on
perception. It is based on what people think about you. It is not so much
reality as it is
what people perceive you to be. For example, one person can create charisma in
another person by speaking in glowing terms about that person to a third party.
If you
believe that you are about to meet an outstanding and important person, that
person
will tend to have charisma for you.
One of the most charismatic people in the world today is Mother Teresa of
Calcutta.
In a physical sense, she is a quiet, elderly, frail woman in poor health, and
she wears a
modest nun’s habit. She might be ignored by a person passing her on the street,
were
it not for the tremendous charisma she has developed and for the fact that her
appearance is so well-known to so many people as a result.
If someone told you that he was going to introduce
you to a brilliant, self-made
millionaire who was very quiet and unassuming about his success, you would
almost
naturally imbue that person with charisma, and in his presence, you would not
act the
same as you would if you had been told nothing at all. Charisma begins largely
in the
mind of the beholder.
Of course, lasting charisma depends more upon the person you really are than
upon
just the things you do. Nevertheless, you can build the perception of charisma
for
yourself by utilizing the 10 great powers of personality that seem to have a
major
impact on the way that people think and feel about you.
The first of these powers is the power of purpose. Men and women with
charisma
and personal magnetism almost invariably have a clear vision of who they are,
of
where they’re going and of what they’re trying to achieve. Leaders in sales and
management have a vision of what they’re trying to create and why they’re doing
what
they’re doing. They’re focused on accomplishing some great purpose. They’re
decisive
about every aspect of their lives. They know exactly what they want and what
they
have to do to get it. They plan their work and work their plan.
In more than 3,300 studies of leadership, in every book and article ever
written on
leadership, the quality of purpose, or vision, was one of the few qualities
that was
consistently used in describing leaders.
You can increase your charisma and the magnetism of your personality by setting
clear goals for yourself, making plans to achieve them, and working on your
plans with
discipline and determination every day. The whole world seems to move aside for
the
person who knows exactly where he is going. In fact, the clearer you are about
your
purposes and goals, the more likely people will be to attribute other positive
qualities to
you. They will see you, or perceive you, as being a better and more admirable
human
being. And when you have clear goals, you begin attracting to yourself the
people and
opportunities necessary to make those goals a reality.
The second personality power is self-confidence. Men and women with
charisma have
an intense belief in themselves and in what they are doing. They are usually
calm, cool
and composed about themselves and their work. Your level of self-confidence is
often
demonstrated in your courage, your willingness to do whatever is necessary to
achieve
a purpose that you believe in.
People are naturally attracted to those who exude a sense of self-confidence,
those
who have an unshakable belief in their ability to rise above circumstances to
attain their
goals.
One of the ways you demonstrate self-confidence is by assuming that people
naturally like you and accept you and want to do business with you. For
example, one
of the most powerful ways to close a sale is simply to assume that the prospect
has
decided to purchase the product or service, and then go on to wrap up the
details. One
of the best ways to achieve success in your relationships is to assume that
people
naturally enjoy your company and want to be around you, and then proceed on
that
basis. The very act of behaving in a self-confident manner will generate
personal
charisma in the eyes of others.
The third power you can develop is enthusiasm. The more excited you are
about
accomplishing something that is important to you, the more excited others will
be
about helping you to do it. The fact is that emotions
are contagious. The more passion
you have for your life and your activities, the more charisma you will possess,
and the
more cooperation you will gain from others. Every great man or woman has been
totally committed to a noble cause and, as a result, has attracted the support
and
encouragement of othersin many cases, thousands or
millions of others.
The fourth personality power that you can develop is expertise, or
competence. The
more knowledgeable you are perceived to be in your field, the more charisma you
will
have among those who respect and admire that knowledge because of the impact it
can have on their lives. This is also the power of excellence, of being
recognized by
others as an outstanding performer in your field. Men and women who do their
jobs
extremely well and who are recognized for the quality of their work are those
who
naturally attract the help and support of others. They have charisma.
The fifth power of personality that gives you charisma in the eyes of others is
thorough preparation, detailed preparation, prior to undertaking any
significant task.
Whether you are calling on a prospect, meeting with your boss, giving a public
talk or
making any other kind of presentation, when you are well-prepared, it becomes
clear to
everyone. The careers of many young people are put onto the fast track as a
result of
their coming to an important meeting after having done all their homework.
Whether it takes you hours or even days, if an upcoming meeting or interaction
is
important, take the time to get on top of your subject. Be so thoroughly
prepared that
nothing can faze you. Think through and consider every possibility and every
ramification. Often, this effort to be fully prepared will do more to generate
the respect
of others than anything else you can do.
Remember that the power is always on the side of the person who has done the
most preparation and has the best notes. Everything counts. Leave nothing to
chance.
When you do something related to your work or career, take the time to do it
rightin
advance.
The sixth power that gives you charisma is self-reliance, or
self-responsibility. The
most successful men and women in America are intensely self-reliant. They look
to
themselves for the answers to their questions and problems. They never
complain, and
they never explain. They take complete ownership of projects. They volunteer
for
duties and step forward and accept accountability when things go wrong.
An amazing facet of human nature is that when you behave in a completely
self-reliant manner, others will often be eager to help you achieve your goals.
But if you
seem to need the help and support of others, people will avoid you or do
everything
possible not to get involved with you.
One of the most admirable qualities of leaders, which lends a person charisma
in the
perception of others, is the capacity to step forward and take charge. The
leader
accepts complete responsibility for getting the job done, without making
excuses and
blaming anyone. When you become completely self-reliant, you experience a
tremendous sense of control and power that enhances your feeling of well-being
and
that generates the charisma that is so important to you in attracting the help
of others.
The seventh personality power is image. There is both interpersonal
image and
intrapersonal image. Intrapersonal image, or self-image, is the way you see
yourself
and think about yourself in any situation. This self-image has an inordinate
impact on
the way you perform and on the way others see you and
think about you. Your self-image plays an important part in your charisma.
The other type of image is interpersonal. This is the image or appearance that
you
convey to others. The way you look on the outside has an inordinate impact on
the way
people treat you and respond to you. Successful men and women are very aware of
how they are coming across to others. They take a good deal of time to think
through
every aspect of their external appearance to assure that it is helping them
rather than
hurting them.
Remember that everything counts. If an element of your image is not building
your
charisma and your respect in the eyes of another person, it is lowering your
charisma
and your respect. Nothing is neutral. Everything is taken into the equation.
Everything
counts.
The three primary factors in personal appearance are clothes, grooming and
accessories. Select your clothes with care. Before you go to an important
meeting,
stand in front of the mirror and ask yourself, “Do I look like one of the best
people in
my field?” If you don’t feel that you look like one of the best people in your
business,
go back to the closet and change.
Look at the most successful people in your area of endeavor. What do they wear?
How do they dress? How do they wear their hair? What kind of accessories do
they
use? Pattern yourself after the winners in your field, the people who already
have
personal magnetism and charisma. If you do what they do, over and over, you
will
eventually get the same results that they get.
The eighth form of personal power is character, or integrity. Men and
women who
possess the kind of charisma that arouses the enthusiastic support of others
are
invariably men and women with high values and principles. They are extremely
realistic
and honest with themselves and others. They have very clear ideals, and they
continually aspire to live up to the highest that is in them. They speak well
of people,
and they guard their conversation, knowing that everything that they say is
being
remembered and recorded. They are aware that everything they do is contributing
to
the formation of their perception by others. Everything about their character
is adding
to or detracting from their level of charisma.
When you think of the most important men and women of any time, you think of
men and women who aspired to greatness and who had high values for themselves
and
high expectations of others. When you make the decision to act consistent with
the
highest principles that you know, you begin to develop charisma. You begin to
become
the kind of person others admire and respect and want to emulate. You begin to
attract
into your life the help and support and encouragement of the kind of people you
admire. You activate the law of attraction in the very best way.
The ninth power of personality is self-discipline, or self-mastery. Men
and women of
charisma are highly controlled. They have a tremendous sense of inner calm and
outer
resolve. They are well-organized, and they demonstrate willpower and
determination in
everything they do.
The very act of being well-organized, of having clear objectives and of having
set
clear priorities on your activities before beginning, gives you a sense of
discipline and
control. It causes people to respect and admire you.
When you then exert your self-discipline by persisting in the face of
difficulties, your charisma rating goes up.
Men and women who achieve leadership positions, who develop the perception of
charisma in others, are invariably those who possess indomitable willpower and
the
ability to persist in a good cause until success is achieved. The more you
persist when
the going gets rough, the more self-discipline and resolve you develop, and the
more
charisma you tend to have.
The tenth power that you can develop, which underlies all of the other powers
that
lead to charisma, is result-orientation. In the final analysis, people
ascribe charisma to
those men and women who they feel can most enable them to achieve important
goals
or objectives.
We develop great perceptions of those men and women we can count on to help us
achieve what is important to us. Men and women who make great sales, or who
establish admirable sales records, develop charisma in the minds and hearts of
their
coworkers and superiors. They are spoken about in the most positive way. Men
and
women who are responsible for companies or departments that achieve high levels
of
profitability also develop charisma. They develop what is called the “halo
effect.” They
are perceived by others to be extraordinary men and women who are capable of
great
things. Their shortcomings are often overlooked, while their strong points are
overemphasized. They become charismatic.
Charisma actually comes from working on yourself. It comes from liking and
accepting yourself unconditionally as you do and say the specific things that
develop
within you a powerful, charismatic personality.
When you set clear goals and become determined and purposeful, backing those
goals with unshakable self-confidence, you develop charisma. When you are
enthusiastic and excited about what you are doing, when you are totally
committed to
achieving something worthwhile, you radiate charisma. When you take the time to
study and become an expert at what you do, and then prepare thoroughly for any
opportunity to use your knowledge, skill or experience, the perception that
others have
of you goes straight up. When you take complete responsibility and accept
ownership,
without making excuses or blaming others, you experience a sense of control
that leads
to the personal power that is the foundation of charisma. When you look like a
winner
in every respect, when you have the kind of external image that others admire,
you
build your charisma. When you develop your character by setting high standards
and
then disciplining yourself to live consistent with the highest principles you
know, you
become the kind of person who is admired and respected everywhere. You become
the
kind of person who radiates charisma to others. Finally, when you concentrate
your
energies on achieving the results that you have been hired to accomplish, the
results
that others expect of you, you develop the reputation for performance and
achievement
that inevitably leads to the perception of charisma.
You can develop the kind of charisma that opens doors for you by going to work
on
yourself, consistently and persistently, and becoming the kind of person
everyone can
admire and look up to. That’s what charisma is all about.
